How hard it is to be happy.

Life make me experienced falling, flying, hanging. Falling is the worst part, flying is the best part whereas hanging is the part where you always feel just enough for everything or either way you feel clueless and confuse. I'm falling lately, all I know is how different I am. Which makes it even harder for something. How sad is to say that there's not even a tiny bit of pieces of chance for me. How hard it is to be happy, huh.? No where to turn, don't know what should I do, which part of life I'm going through.? Which part of it I'm suffering. All my secrets are kept. To no one I'm telling. Who to tell.? Only God knows. I've been telling Him every night. What had happened, I wanted to tell you my secrets, but you became one of them instead, and now I think I'm keeping it to myself. That way, nothing will go wrong. It gives me a Diamond of As', Me, Club of As', You, and Hearts of K. What do I see in all this, it's so unrealistic. I said, I take chance. I tell the truth. I say no. I spend all my cash. I get to know someone random. I'm being random. I sing out loud. I laugh at stupid joke. I cry. I get revenge. I apologize. I tell someone how much they mean to me. I want to tell that asshole what I feel. I let someone know what they're missing. I laugh until my stomach hurts. I say I love you. I fall in love. I wanted to tell, but for this time, I'm keeping it to myself. This time, I'm throwing that part of my life away just so that I could see you again and again, normally, at this time, How I wished so badly that I can feel like I'm flying. But.. happy endings are so rare.