Where can I rest my head.?

I feel like drinking more than 8 cans of beer, so that I can puke and feel numb. I feel like doing things alone, just to get used to being alone. I feel like listening to music using the strongest bass headset, and listen to Just A Dream sung by Nelly. I feel like going to the beach, sitting alone at the beach side bench, just to think about you whole night. I feel like holding you tightly and never let go, but came to think of it, I can't. Letting go of your hand, does it suppose to happen.? Run and shout what ever I feel like saying, Drop dead. Call you my baby just to make myself smile. What to do if nothing turns out right.? All I can is walk my life knowing that I can never have you again. Close my eyes I still see your face. Open my eyes, it was only just a dream. Everything can be little things when you're not around. Watching you watching someone else may be the most suffering thoughts ever. Tried hard to look away, but then again it goes back to something like, " why don't I just leave and avoid all this." A big mistake that I'd like to make. Just perfect.?